I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize