Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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