You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
