Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
