Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize