You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
