next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
