I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
