My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
