is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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