I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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