Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
