I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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