dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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