White coat. Heels.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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