Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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