bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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