i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
