This girl is more easily done than said...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
