In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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