You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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