i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They took my balls.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
