Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
