If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
