I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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