he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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