dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
