Where is the hickey?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
