I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
