One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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