Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
