yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
