If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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