Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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