just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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