2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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