to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
