Best friends brother. Beat that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
