whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
