Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
