So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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