Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
