I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just found puke in my bra..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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