someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
