I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
