I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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