I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
