and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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