So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
