Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
