He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize