the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize