Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
