I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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