Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
