Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
