Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i out mim tonsoeep
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