If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And then my night got REAL pukey
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we should paint friendship bongs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
